THE MAN IN MY HEAD 2

I fell on my knees and wept.

"How could I have been so stupid?" I cried out

My best friend

I stabbed him to death!

But it wasn't my fault! It was the man in my head! He forced me to do it! He... He... He... He made me do it!

"I made you do it?" I heard him laugh cynically "I never held your hands, I only made a suggestion and you agreed to it. You decided to agree to it, you made up your mind you would stab him, and as a good friend that I am . ..."

"Friend?? You are not friend!" I screamed and wept

Now, I was tagged a murderer!

 

"You are a murderer!" I said to myself

 

**                    **                           **

 

I looked at the man sitting at the other side of the table.

"Can God forgive that? I killed my best friend, and I killed him for money! Just twenty thousand dollars! I murdered him in cold blood!" 

The tears that were welled up in my eyes poured out as I remembered the day I took on the position of a murderer

Daniel had done nothing to me. He was the best friend ever, supporting me in everything I did. He would tell me when I was wrong, support me when I needed it.

He was a shoulder to lean on, I cried on those shoulders of his. But then, I killed him.

 

"I killed him" I muttered and looked up at the so-called pastor that sat at the other side of the prison table "I killed my best friend for money"

I shook my head in pain "He worked for that money, we both worked for it! But still... I murdered him! Out of my selfishness! I can't blame the devil. He suggested that I stab Daniel but he didn't force me to do it ... I.."

 

"If you keep living in this pain, if you keep living in this guilt, then you will never come out of it" he said meekly

 

I chuckled dryly "I enjoy the pain"

 

"No you don't! You want to believe you enjoy the pain but you don't! You are desperately waiting for someone to take that weight off of you..."

"Yes! But no one can do that!" I retorted

"Jesus can." He cooed

 

I shook my head "He can't"

 

"Come unto me, all ye who are weary and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. You need rest!" He said in a gentle voice

"I... I ... I need rest. But I can't rest. There can not be peace for the wicked"

"Let him wash away that tag of wickedness"

 

I began thinking.

 

If I can get this thing off me, I will be .....

"You I'll be what?" I heard his laugh again

I held my head and groaned

"Just leave me alone" I muttered

 

"Don't let him win this battle." I felt the pastor's voice in my head. I opened my eyes and his hands were on my shoulder

"You can't be anything" the man in my head, spoke again

I shook my head.

 

"I don't care if I don't become anything. As long as I can be away from the tag of a murderer "

 

"You can't be away from it. You're in prison!" He laughed again

 

"I don't care! I'm accepting JESUS and there is nothing you can do about it! This is my life and I decide who I want in it. I've had enough of you in my head!" I spoke out

"You can't push me out .." he stammered

 

I chuckled as I heard the disbelief in his voice

 

"Through my actions and thoughts I invited you in, now, by my actions and thoughts, I'll send you out!"

"You don't have the power to send me out" he said

 

"If I can't Jesus will do it." I said, nodding confidently

 

I turned to look at the pastor who smiled at me. He held my hands and prayed with me

I accepted Christ that day.